Lost
by PeppermintBabe
Summary: And while lost in definition may seem like such a terrible thing, it’s not so bad if when you’re lost, you find yourself.


Disclaimer: I do not and will not ever own the Stephanie Plum novels. And anything that is connected to the Stephanie Plum world, I do not recieve any credit for.

_A/N: Although I am a babe fan there isn't really a babe or cupcake ending, it's just something I thougth about and decided to get it out. Also, if you can't tell by the dialogue, the story was inspired by the song Lost by Michael Buble. Listen to it if you get a chance it's lovely. ---Adora _

**Lost **

As soon as the door of my apartment closes I strip off all my clothes and toe out of my shoes and shove them into the corner. I'd pick them up later and place them in a trash bag. I ran to the shower, turned the knob to highest degree it could go and stepped in.

Today's mishap involved a sixty-four year old balding man who indulged a little too much in his science experiments. The tenants of the building he lived in complained about odd smells coming from his apartment and when he was reported he attacked the Super and the cops placed him under arrest.

Well, having gained anger towards authority figures, when I showed up telling him he had missed his court date, a pile of unidentified goo was thrown at me. It smelled vile and felt like I've been slimed. I stood there shocked as he pelted me with ugly browns, purples and greens. When he got cocky enough to get close to me I reached out and stunned his ass. Hurriedly placed him in my car and took him to the police station.

Eddie was the lucky cop who helped me get him out today and once my door opened and he got a good whiff of the mess I was in he shouted at me to "just throw him out the car, I'll bring the receipt to you later, but please for the love of Shirley do NOT get out the car." Angered, I happily pushed the old man out my car and speedily drove home.

As I rinsed all of the goo out my hair I lathered on an unhealthy amount of soap to rid my body of the stench and color. I wrapped myself in a towel and looked in the mirror to make sure all of it was gone. My skin was raw and red but it didn't hide the blue and purple on my arm from the other day, or the scratch on my cheek that had finally scabbed over. I sighed, the hazards of the job I suppose.

I walked into my room to grab a fresh pair of clothes only to realize that I hadn't done laundry in a while, so I grabbed the only clean shirt I had and a pair of sweats. I gathered up all my clothes and dumped them in the hamper. The hamper was not even half full.

I was out of clothes.

I flopped on the edge of my bed, the hamper in front of me. I was out of money too. Even if Eddie brought my body receipt over it was only worth a hundred, and I still had to pay my rent, it definitely wouldn't be enough.

I stood up and looked around my room. Bed was unmade, half matching furniture, needed dusting. I knew the rest of the apartment was in a similar state.

I pressed the palms of my hands against my eyes forcing myself not to cry. Things would get better. My mother wasn't right. I am fine. Things WILL get better.

Who I was kidding, things would always be like this. I fell on the floor and pushed myself to lean against the wall my arms hugging my knees close to me.

For the first time in awhile, I felt lost. I actually agreed with my mother. I was going nowhere fast. I started going through the mistakes I've made and realized there were too many to count. I'd never learn it seemed. I thought about the state I was in, the lonely apartment, the dorm-room furniture, the never-ending mishaps with skips, the crazy stalkers, the close-to-death-calls, my screw-ups, and my mother's constant voice inside my head telling me something was wrong with me.

Was there? Here I was in my thirties with no kids, no husband, no house, or even enough money to plan a future. Would this be a constant in my life? This insane struggle to make ends meet? I closed my eyes and cried.

Needing to get out, I quickly grabbed my keys off the table and went to my car. It was raining heavily and the drops were soaking me faster than a swimming pool. I struggled with my keys a bit and finally managed to get them in. I drove to Hayward Street, not to anyone in particular but to a place I could think quietly.

When I reached Ranger's company I hesitated, not knowing what he and his men would think. Here I was soaked from the rain, my hair frizzy, the bruises on my arm highly visible. I shook my head and decided to go inside anyway. When I got into the elevator I waved to the camera and then put my head down.

I forgot to put shoes on.

The elevator stopped on the 4th floor and Tank stepped in. He silently handed me a jacket that was obviously his, as it was way to large for me. I smiled thanks. He nodded his eyes asking the question, 'you okay?'

"I just need to think for a little bit, I'll be fine." He nodded once again and we both stepped off at the fifth floor. I headed straight for the stairs making my way up to the roof of the building. I knew since Tank had seen me he'd cut off the alarm to the door long enough for me to open it and step outside.

I walked into the pouring rain, ignoring the numbness of my feet and went to the edge. I couldn't see much through the rain but the pattern of the lights made it easy to think.

I must've stayed there for hours just looking over the edge through the night. When I managed to pull myself away from my thoughts I had come to a conclusion:

I was lost.

And while that may seem like a pretty obvious statement it meant that I had finally come to terms with it and while I may not like it, it did not necessarily mean that my mother was right. There was nothing wrong with me. I laughed quietly to myself backing away from the edge, I didn't have to work at the button factory, or marry Morelli, or even quit my job, but most importantly I didn't have to listen to anyone but me. The 'Burg was not me and while it was my home it did not control me.

I was more than soaked by this time and shivered violently as I made my way back to the stairwell, glad that the alarm didn't blare in my ear. I may be lost in the sense of not knowing the direction I wanted to head towards or what I wanted right at this moment, but it wouldn't make me any less lost if I worked somewhere else, had a few kids, and got married. Being lost didn't mean I was a screw-up, just that I needed some more time to figure out exactly what I wanted. It might also mean that I'm alone right now, I'd learn to deal.

Hence, I was lost.

"Babe, you are not lost. I'm always here with you."

My head jerked to the side and sure enough Ranger was leaning against the railing of the stairs. I had no idea how long he had been there or just how much of my deranged conversation to myself he had heard.

"Yes, I am." I probably shocked him with that since I had said it so happily. Not that I could tell with his blank face.

He raised his eyebrow in silent question to my answer.

"It's not a bad thing," I assured him. "Lost is good for me right now. Might make me do some tentative planning in the near future but it's not so bad. My life may make me suffer right now, and my mother might be a tad crazy but lost is okay with me." He probably didn't understand a word I was speaking since I made sense only in my head sometimes.

He stared at me for a few seconds and I admit it was little unnerving. "Life can show no mercy, it can make you feel like you've gone crazy, but you're not. I understand that. But you are not alone, I'm always there with you, now come on let's get lost together."

And while lost in definition may seem like such a terrible thing, it's not so bad if when you're lost, you find yourself.


End file.
